Midlife dating sites

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But they may also fade or change over time. Forget the past, lets live in the now and dream about the future. I had divorced 29 yrs ago.

Communication can only take place once both members like each other, at which time midlife dating sites match may initiate a conversation. Retrieved 28 February 2015. Best for Serious Jesus: eHarmony Launched by clinical psychologist Dr. But every man, no matter who he is, or where he comes from, WILL face some unfamiliar challenges during his middle years. Take my advice and focus on things that are within your control. Retrieved 28 February 2015. Nearly half, or 44 north, of those who tried online dating said it led to a serious long-term relationship or marriage, the magazine found. He is displaying the classic signs of depression — sleeping more, loss of appetite, malaise This behavior is often the result of a family tragedy such as a parent's death or another sincere of shock to the system such as getting laid off from a longtime job.

The last woman I met was fanning herself during the date due to a hot flash. I had my ovaries removed at 31 and technically went through menopause. This type of midlife crisis is rare, Colarusso says.

They are all 50-something, empty-nesters and divorced. However, with the , there are a lot more older people available than ever before. The persistent belief is that women are looking for long-term committed relationship and men are looking for short-term sexual relationships. She believes — and I agree — that more people need to talk openly about this because all older women hear and thus believe is that older men are only looking for much younger women. OK, many of them are. But are they getting them? A few things became clear to the researchers early on — the women treasured their independence and craved companionship. They desired companionship and a social life — and sex. I sure hope so. Photo © gary kaPLOW! Well, more accurately, I would have trouble compromising. This article says Yay! However, look at grr Hollywood and how actresses struggle for roles once they reach a certain age. Helen Mirren is pretty amazing, though. Or, do you just not want to do it? I am a divorced man. Been single for about 8 months. I hear this from many men my age. This is very discouraging. So easy to hide behind the screen and ignore someone who tried to be nice. I stopped doing it. Most men are not a risk taker in the name of love. I am not interested in a younger man. A+ Like me, I have a handful of friends who are single again, in their 50s. All of us are choosing wisely, as we do have, at least some interest in remarrying, but this time we are hoping to find a keeper and be one , and it may take a while, in these parts! Not just cats they want to be holed up with but grown children and care of their parents. I wonder why they are on line, or trying to date at all? They are rarely available. Seems maybe once a week if your lucky. I feel like I am fifth or sixth on the priority list just behind the cats! Why do they bother dating? Maybe a good romance novel is all they need! I like to do many activities , dancing ,hiking, hiking ,Kayaking fine dining , and skiing. Rarely find a woman interested! Been divorced for only 18 months and dating is true my abysmal! To John and all other single people. Stop worrying about finding someone. Desperate people can be spotted a mile away! Learn to cook from scratch for yourself, not box in a microwave! Clean your home, scrub the shower and tub with comet. Clean windows and glass with windex. Do your own laundry. Learn to sew and mend your clothes. Learn to iron your shirts. Master your life inside your four walls and you will have the greatest gift for yourself. A strong person can take care of themself completely. I could not have said it any better! I have a friend who is constantly in and out of relationships and cannot feel happy unless she is! Totally codependent The bottom line is each and everyday I make myself happy and depend on no one to help me achieve my happiness or fix the broken toilet. And it feels incredible! Instead of allowing myself to dwell on negative thoughts that sabotaged my happiness, I replaced them with a better thinking track. I was busy feeling bad about where I was in life, single, at my age, and the abysmal online dating scenes that what I failed to understand was that I was creating my own misery. I can either choose to be happy during this time, or be unhappy. It was how I chose to react to my circumstances. So, I made a conscious decision to be responsible for my own happiness. I make myself get around people, even if its taking a walk in the park, going to a movie, a concernt, or going to visit friends and family. I am still learning everyday how to create and redefine my life, but its getting more normal and easier. I can look back and not get sentimental over what was, or what may never be. Its kind of like evolution, one either adapts or becomes extinct. Happy belated new year. I am speaking of having an intimate loving relationship with someone you can trust in addition to having girlfriends. It is easy to claim that, but how fun is it to be alone, really? Barb seems to me, to be the only sane and honest person on here! Could it be that my perspective suffers some kind of California disadvantage — because of an overabundance of beautiful people in my state? But I do know that I miss my dog more than either or my two ex husbands. Friends and family seem puzzled by my singleness — they stopped arranging blind dates for me years ago. I wonder if anyone will really wonder why I might end it all one of these days. My happy smiles and effervescence are only a persona developed to mask my true desolation. Nobody wants to know anyone anymore. I worked with nothing but men for the past decade. I adore men and have two grown sons. What I have witnessed around the break shack table during lunch breaks and while traveling for work. Is that men want and mostly talk about dating young women. I have asked them why. They are pretty blunt about it actually. The majority tell me that it is because young women are more attractive,thin,active,and are not as set in their ways. I also see a lot of the ones who are married or supposed to be in serious relationships back home. Cheating with every bar fly they meet ,escort,or stripper. So with this said, yeah I personally have trust issues with what I have observed. It is easier to just enjoy my social life with my friends who share the same interests that I do. It is easier to go about life without having to get to know someone all over again. Only to invest the wasted time and be disappointed. I keep in good shape. I like woman around my age. Why would I want to date a 45 year old. She is in a totally different place than I. Then why is it so hard. Just a decently attractive woman who takes good care of herself, can run a couple of miles, carry on a conversation, and is kind of outdoorsy. Perhaps the competition for online dating for the woman who I am looking for is just too intense. I think online dating just makes woman fantasize about their ideal and perfect mate. I think woman lie about their age, no one is over 55, until they reach 60. Other alternatives seem to be limited. Whoever comes up with a better way for over 50 singles to meet will make millions! Perhaps a book club. It just seems easier for this good guy to stay home on a Saturday night and read a book! Give me some feedback please! I am a 47 year old female, divorced for a little over 5 years. I am not looking for George Clooney. I am looking for an honest man, who is sweet and genuine, and who can make me laugh, and who has a heart open for love. Not all women are looking for the same things. Just a few thoughts. Would you marry again? I have a boss at work. Drop the older, and stop pretending that the playing field is level. Women have the advantage in that they only have to accept or reject any proposals they receive. Would you prefer to be alone versus give up your freedom? There are billions of people in the world when I want that interaction. They feel rejected and tend to believe that you are having an affair. Remember the large number of women your age who, when they were the younger women, were out dating the woodstock generation men while blowing off the men their own age? Your arrogance is breathtaking. I wish them all the luck in the world. As a male of the age demographic in question not that I am dating or trying to date , I hear more from women that they have no use for a man in their lives than I do one seeking a partner. By the time men are in their 50s, the workplace has taken their lives away from them as a condition of employment. Thou Shalt Have NO Boss Before The Job Boss! By the time women are in their 50s, the kids are gone, the house is made in their image, and they have established all the rules. Noting causes more divorces than the Empty Nest. There are over 50 women who lose their sex drive+others who increase it due to decreasing demands from children. Enjoy the 20 year old drama-matches your emotional intwlligence even when they are out of shape+way less everything feeds your pathetic ego Please stop talking, or typing as the case is, you are making we women look crazy. I am 50 and single. And, has not seen his kids since. I can see that I am an attractive woman; I believe most men would agree. Now that my children are grown and married, I too am looking for someone to share my life with. I realized after all those years being a mother, and before that a wife and mother, the house is very empty and cold now that everyone is gone. I have even decided to downsize so the house does not seem so big and empty. I would like to find a sane man to share my life and home with. Hopefully, he is out there looking for me as well. Anyways, there are some of us women that truly like men, like sex, and want to find a good fit for our lives. I am glad to see that you seem to know that all men are not like your ex-husband. Many women seem to be brainwashed by feminists. I think, in the future, women will find out how much damage they did to them. You seem to have a very good attitude. Kind of what women were meant to be like. I feel your good desires for the right kind of relationship with a man. Most American women today are hostile toward men. Then why are they on a forum like this. I have seen them on singles sites complaining about men who go to other countries to find women who are warm, tender, feminine, and agreeable. Why should they care if men do that? They hate men anyway…REAL MEN! They should distance themselves from men altogether. It would stop confusing the room or landscape, as you might call it. I am 52 and have never married but wanted to if I had found her. I wish you well in your search for a caring man for your life!! I thought men were busy not wanting us and being too good for us. No man could ever understand what a woman has gone through or how she feels emotionally. Some have been abused emotionally and physically. Each one handles the situation differently. There is no book. So if your 50 something man looking for woman , have a little patience. Treat them with respect treat them like a lady. Be friends with them , treat with some kindness. If something more friendship comes from it ,that would be great. Remember ladies you are the most important person in your life! Be good to yourself! I want intimacy, sex, fun, interactions, and I get tired of going places alone ALL the time…but lots of times I WANT to be alone, talking to whomever whom- or who-? It is difficult for me to get noticed, that I know of. That is something that has changed and that you mention in this article: being more selective. I always approach men indicating that I am not looking for marriage, I am not looking to be taken care of nor do I expect to be their caretaker for lack of a better word. What I do want is someone that is committed to a monogamous sexual relationship and who cares and respects me as a person. I do miss the intimacy of talking to a partner and sharing the details of my day, discussing topics in the news, politics and what have you. However, what I am finding are contented homebodies, who are not always willing to invest emotionally in a relationship. I completely agree with you on the BS meter. Sounds like your problem is solved so long as you have a supply of batteries. Maybe you can order the AC adapter. Listen, there is a reason people get married multiple times. There is more to intimacy than the physical, more to compassion and companionship than you can get with your rugby gals or whatever with the same sex. Most of the rest of the world still sees it. I know many men can be pigs and some not worth breath, but women can be too. I know of men who had never met a woman prosecuted for harassment, stalking etc. That kind of displaced anger is NUTS!!!!! I like women, the good kind. Still hoping to find some. I am not on feminists sites talking about why they should not be against men. I do wish WOMEN would not be misled by them. Feminists are against men. Thanks for reading and commenting, Lisa. In some ways it seems much more complicated at this age because we can experience a relationship in so many other ways than the traditional fall-in-love-move-in-get-married-have-kids paradigm. I thought my 40s were a juicy decade. Maybe have a few flings with younger men and have fun with your gal pals until you click with someone? Wishing you the best! So… you are suggesting that single middle aged men exist. A big fat goose egg! Would you marry again? See sarcastic sasquatch remark. Would you prefer to be alone versus give up your freedom? It would be mutually beneficial. I have spent time with women from their 40s through mid 50s. I can tell you that women have as much interest in sex, intimacy and having fun as men do and are often looking for a man who is comfortable with himself and is willing to accept a woman the way she is when he meets her. Women, please give intelligent, self respecting men a chance and take down the walls. Frank, thank you for acknowledging that we middle-aged gals love sex, intimacy and fun! So many people want to write us off because of menopause, etc. I think many of us want freedom and connection. Finding the right balance for that is hard. Much as I loved him I had no desire at all to remarry for the reasons of being totally independent, not having to answer to anyone but myself for anything. Funny thing is I meet a lovely man who I now love very much…. We share costs of date, holidays etc. Not to mention all the family dynamics just to scary I think. I believe many woman in my age group will relate to this. We lived 2 hours apart and I did most of the travelling. After 5 years, it was clear he had no future to offer: no pension, no retirement savings, a broken down house, no motivation to continue operating his small business. I WILL NOT tie myself to a man who is not my equal and has ability to get out of his mess. My man blamed everyone else for his problems, was not open to change and held fast to dreams that would never be realized. Compromise and accommodation are key on both sides. I have not started dating yet. So have no idea. Would you marry again? If the man is willing to allow me to continue that independence and not box me into a fixed role then I would definitely consider it. Would you prefer to be alone versus give up your freedom? Numerically it is probably level. I attract quite a few 39 to 60 year olds. But based upon what some of my female peers tell me who have been out there dating for years is that if you factor in the desire to have a reasonably healthy and energetic male in this age bracket the pickings do get slimmer. Coupled with the factor that many 45 to 50 year old men may not be interested in dating a woman older than them even though it is only a few years. But I would be a fool to think that I could do whatever I want whenever I want within a marriage. The guy would have to be worth it for me to go back there again. So I guess I am not against getting married again. Thanks for your honesty, Josie. I, like you, at 50-something, truly value my independence. There are some men who want the same, too. Finding reasonably healthy and energetic men our age also has been tricky, but, again, not too hard where I live SF Bay Area , where many men and women are active and fit and have healthy lifestyles. And, there thankfully are enough men close to my age who actually do want to date women their age or even a bit older. I wish you lots of luck as you venture out into the strange world of dating at midlife. The beauty of dating at our age, at least for me, is that without the pressure to couple up and have kids, we can spend time getting to know someone. We also are somewhat smarter. I have no doubt you will have wonderful romantic adventures ahead. Now hoooolllllldddd on there Eliza Nelly!! Men go through biological changes as well. Try not to throw rocks at everyone from your glass penthouse. Not taking up for any poster you responded to but physiological changes happen in men as they age also. Drops in Human Growth Hormone, Testosterone as well as other things changes the game in many. Football players who were in great shape in younger years, even if they work out daily, can hardly maintain that, depending on their heritage and physique. Many do let themselves go. Some women do to. I am not hostile towards them, even though not interested usually. Men do in fact go through the equivalent of menopause. Have you ever heard a commercial for Androgel or Low-T? It is called andropause. A multi-billion dollar industry has been built around andropause. A man suffering from low-T experiences the same hormone-level triggered hot flashes that a woman experiences during menopause. I made a decison 3 years ago that I was through with domestic relationships. I simply do not want to get to know anyone as quite frankly what I want to learn in my life cannot be found in a claustraphobic twosome where my entire energy is taken up maintaining or fighting for balance or to keep harmony, Why fight for basics in a couple that I dont have to as a single person? I simply am not signing up for this again….. In the past 12 years I have dated two old friends for a few months time each. I did not experience an overbearing husband nor abusive relationships. Yet I feel no strong desire to intemately connect romantically. My two attempts did began with good times but quickly reviled a level of deception I would never tolerate. I regard myself as content with a life full of work, adult children and a new grand daughter. Too many times the word Cougar is mentioned to which I am highly insulted. That said, I feel men are guided by the laws of sexual attraction. A relationship where you meet for dates and a romp sounds perfect for both older men and women. But I will never cohabitate or evolve myself again. Good luck to all those hopeful singles. Thanks for your perspective. Having just left a 20 year marriage which turned very brutal and ugly after male menopause set in, I was puzzled as to what I wanted. I still look good and get male attention but was confused as to exactly what it was that I wanted from a male. A younger man still wants sex while I want love and affection which I get from my kids and family and never from a mate. Why should I fight for basic rights that I have as a single person? My former marriage was a claustrophobic twosome where whatever energy I had left after all the household responsibilities was taken up maintaining or fighting for balance which never happened. You helped me realize a single life is the right choice for me and now I realize and understand why other older women have taken this choice as. I was married in my 20s and in another long-term relationship that was on its way to becoming a marriage in my 30s. I had always been a woman who based my worth on who loved me, but once I bought my own house and started taking care of ME and learned that I can be independent, my desire to be in a relationship VANISHED! Like Mary, I receive all the love and affection and joy I need from my kids and wonderful friendships, and love men as friends but have no desire to be in a committed relationship. There other joys in life to be had! I have not had a single date nor wanted one since separation. Marriage for me was a terrible experience. The entire time I was trying to make a wife happy who seemed determined to spend the family into oblivion, and the more stuff she did and the more stuff she bought the more it took to make her happy. When we looked at the cause of the divorce, her belief what that it was pretty much all my fault for being a bad husband and person , yet friends and coworkers told me they thought I was trying very hard and making all of the requisite sacrifices. What makes for a happy relationship, married or not, is matched expectations. One can have a very full life without romantic partners read by choice, rather than letting one bad marital experience determine it. I wish you the best. Shawn, maybe you need to be choosier in the women you date. Be adamant from the beginning that there are many things you value more than money. Only contact women who seem to be of like mindset. Not gorgeous or young always, but lots more single women than men. You complain that women spend money remodeling the house—of course they do—the home is where your wife entertains and is a social signifier of who she is. If your wife does not work outside the home, then that home is her world and she deserves to make that world comfortable for her. My closest friend recently left her husband because her husband was selfish and resisted yearly updates and remodels suggested by their interior decorator. You complain of travel. It amazes me how when a woman first startes dating a man, the men have no problem renting a house boat for a few weeks off the Amalfi coast, or riding Vespas through the south of France while staying at vineyards. Then before the kids come—it is off to Paris for the weekend—flying first-class and staying at the George V hotel. After you are married with kids, men seem to think that flying Southwest to Akron Ohio and staying at the airport Hilton, while they are going to a work-related conference is a good vacation. Once the kids have gone off to college—most men seem to think that driving to a different Costco, on the other side of town is a vacation. When my Harry passed away three years ago, he was still the same vibrant and wonderful man that I met many years ago in law school. Harry sold his share of the firm about 10 years before he died and devoted himself to civic and community philanthropy. I miss him dearly, but would like to find someone active and older to go see the world with before it is too late. Last year I was visiting friends in Boca and met a gentleman with a nice 40 foot cruiser—the man had not taken the boat out of harbor in three years. In many ways this reminds me of most men I meet my age—they have the means to go on incredible adventures—but they chose to stay mored to a dock and let barnacles grow on them. I want to know where to find active men who want to do something. Then before the kids come—it is off to Paris for the weekend—flying first-class and staying at the George V hotel. You married someone who had money or made a lot of money. A vast majority of people men and women cannot even break even in this society so they cannot hoard what they do not have. Do everyone a favor and stay out of the dating pool. Am finding the opposite is true for me. As a fifty something single man the women seem interested in tying the knot — not me. No one bats an eye on folks shacking up anymore so social pressures are all but non-existent. No one mentions it but the grey elephant in the room is menopause. The last woman I met was fanning herself during the date due to a hot flash. I am sympathetic but as this can be an emotional rollercoaster etc. I think this is why men my age look southward in the dating age. While I may feel sorry in a way that women become invisible in later years — my experience in younger days was they were chased by guys like me. There is a mid-life power shift at work to balance this out. Just nature finding equilibrium. It sucks at times to feel lonely and wish you had a man at your side, but life is too short to be anything but happy with yourself and your life. A man is missing out on a great woman!! They exist, and if that is what you want then please be open to the possibilities. Beautiful and amazing women know that a good partner will see that in them, regardless of their menopausal state or not. Good luck, and please let me know how things go, OK? Hi Rocky, thanks for calling out the elephant in the room, menopause. I had my ovaries removed at 31 and technically went through menopause. She the lady in her 40s is only a few years away. You are in line for the rollercoaster dude. Steve, thanks for commenting. Dating is how people get to meet each other and decide if they like each other enough to take it to another level — a committed relationship. There are all sorts of resources available. You develop into that single state. I am not a catch. I am a human being that after years of games, travel, attitude, laughter, freedom loss, great sex, what have you, just decided I am at my happiest just hanging out with friends. I do have short sessions of loneliness from a desire for intimacy, but they are few and far between and slowly vacating the cranial mass. To me it really comes down to this. We need the world to accept that we are single. Many of us just want friends to chat with, travel with, hang out with, and enjoy the beautiful days ahead with no complications. Is that too much to ask? I have everything I need in my group of fun married and single friends that just accept me as I am. Maybe we need a t-shirt or a hat identifying us. Anyone got a great hat idea? I can appreciate that others here want something different, and I accept that. But as I accept you, please accept me and those like me. And also, the only women interested in me right now seem to be 22-28-year-olds for some reason. There is a HUGE hole in available attractive women between 25 and 35 married, gay or finding themselves read: career-driven. Post straight 38-year old women only come in 3 flavors: Jaded, desperate, and masculine—Sometimes we get a little Neapolitan mix. Yeah, well over-40 women do that and men care just as little as you did back then. The long way around to my point with a little venting is, yes, why bother? Relationships-romantic ones-have no value over 40. We only have a few years left to enjoy ourself before REAL old age kicks our asses and relegates us into generic blue-hairs, dismissed by every other living person on Earth as waiting to die. Stop thinking love, start thinking live. Having a realistic view of life is not the same as having a pessimistic view, which you seem to have embraced. Sucks to be you. Our needs and energy levels may have changed, but we are not dead…yet. Aging gracefully is a something everyone should pursue. While some are gonna read the bitterness here, in between the lines you see the real point. Sometimes you get bombarded by attitude and fantasyland talk and it gets to the point that single men have to detonate the message like a nuke to get everyone to listen, understand, and accept. Been there, Done that, got a nice collection of detonators myself. Wake up and smell the reality ladies. Pull your head out, smell what the man is cooking, and look out the window. The sunrises are as beautiful as always. Put the value of the day in proper perspective, and LIVE. And enough with the Prom Queen, Head Cheerleader, had to fight them off with a stick stories! Yer blocking the view. Yes women go through menopause later but men also go through something and age all around too. It will for you too. Come back to us when you are 56. Because these are men who are more self-aware, more interesting, more multifaceted, more experienced and more intriguing. I love being alone. Good looking, tall, very fit, healthy, hot yoga, hike, bike to work most days 10 miles and weight lift and cook all my own food. My sex drive fell off a cliff after 41 — but even to this day my T and Free T levels are perfect. Me being an extrme intorvert my entire life and with my sex-drive wanning have all been great things for me. This is in response to the guy who thinks women are a drag who are going thru menopause. You are kidding yourself if you dont think men dont go thru change. Ive been dating same guy for 10 yrs. And boy oh boy is he going thru the change. He may not have ovaries that stop working but he and men of his age 56 go thru physical changes too, and that change is no more testosterone. The low production of testerone makes men just as moody, irritable, unpleasant to be around as some women having a bad menopause time. Men go thru depression, insomnia, low sex drive etc when they get to middle age and their bodies also stop producing certain hormones. Why do you thi k mdn have to rely on biBra so mou h now in their midlife. Dating in midlife to me is about companionship. I am not looking to get married again. I bought my own home after I got divprced, and it was not from alimony, I got nothing when I got divorced. I have a stressful job and I prefer to come home to my own house after a long day. So you men out there who think women just want to get married…….. Yes, men do go through a male equivalent of menopause. It is called andropause. Not all men experience andropause symptoms starting in their late forties, but most experience a decline in vitality due to major decline in testosterone production. Have you ever heard a commercial for Androgel or Low-T? That, my friend, is cause in most men by age-related andropause. Viagra is often misprescribed for men who are suffering from Low-T. Wow, I am glad I stumbled upon this forum!! After reading many of the submissions … maybe I am with the wrong woman. Both married for 22 years before divorced. We both have 2 kids the same ages 19, 16. Dating for 2+ years…. I have told her that I love her…see her as part of my future…. BUT she says that is not enough … and NOT for the reasons one would think. While she is very frugal, she does love her luxury items she drives a BMW, I drive a Ford Edge. She also has this phobia about the future…. Her divorce was simple and amicable. She and her ex did it themselves…no alimony, no child support. Mine was completely the opposite…. Girlfriend fears for the future …. She has clearly stated that she cannot take such a risk. She lives with the memory of her Dad who lost everything in bankruptcy about 15 years ago…and died early from alcoholism. She had to quit college because no money. I am 52 and my wife and I had problems a while back. I can tell you honestly, three single educated women in the 37 to 39 age bracket who could see I was unhappy suddenly, made it very clear if I was available they had desperate ovaries!! My wife and I came very close to divorce, and I came close to having a second family. All three women openly said they wanted kids and although I was 50 then they would like a family if I was interested. All three were permanent staff who had careers better than mine, but were single, two had Ph. She was a Senior Lecturer and is now a single Associate Professor. That is she realised she earned double my salary! When she was 30 not 39 she would not have looked twice at me, that is a simple fact. Because I found a husband my age, bought my own home and had kids, I guess I never needed to look elsewhere. But what do you know, eventually the penny drops and slowly 50+ men discover that contrary to reports in the media, not all younger women, in reality, find them irresistible. Moreover the thought of raising and providing for a second family is not really that appealing after all! I am 55, am a tenured professor with a happy life, good relationship with my two kids, am a romantic and considerate person, and have been a life-long fitness enthusiast, training for a triathlon. I want a relationship with someone close to my age and have run into something I did not expect — my fault I am sure. The single professionals in my age group whom I have dated like their empty nest, and have strong preferences for their own routine, including stuff like toothpaste caps and how the dishwasher is loaded. I think the idea that women who have their lives together professionally etc. I am by no means criticizing or complaining — just providing an observation based on an admittedly miniscule number of women. I do think personally that the idea that women in their 50 by and large truly want a man is not a self-evident truth. Peace and happiness everyone. Eight years of Match. To me this article rings as hollow and contrived as all those profiles on Match. You assume, as I once did, that women actually want a relationship with — or at least a resource in — a man. This has proven not to be true. The only time a woman wants a man is when she needs a man. I… am going to die alone. I truly wish your opinion on the subject was correct. Eight years of looking, of inviting, of holding out my hand waiting for someone to take it… I think I have to go have a little cry now… —Geo Thanks for sharing your story George. According to an AARP survey not too long ago, many divorced people do want love again … men and women. I met my last partner 8 years and my current partner 1 year online. In any event, I wish you luck. Speaking as a 50+, many-years-divorced woman, I am trying to live the life I could not when I was married. I made many sacrifices in the marriage and put my dreams on hold. Men and marriage are wonderful, but my dream does not include them. I have been going through the dating site torture for about one year since my divorce. I do not know how you have put up with that grief for that long. It is devastating for the self-esteem and self-confidence. Recently, I had three dates in one week from online dating. They were in their early to mid-50s. I have been told that I am good looking. They met me so my looks got me the first date. The women tell you that it is your sour attitude and bitterness that has caused you not to have formed a relationship. George, it is not likely you, it is the online dating. Ironically, if it was you, you would have figured it out and not wasted your time for eight years. It is common for men to have your experience on online dating sites. It was mentioned here that your online profile may not read well. That sounds insensitive and unrealistic. Over eight years, you must have changed your profile dozens of times trying to attract the women who are deserving of you. You must have taken many photos and of all types to try to show who you are and in the best vantage point. You must have done research on all of this in eight years of the futility of online dating. Stop playing it and wasting your energy, well being and time. I know, your question is; what are the options to meet women to form relationships if not online dating? You need to get out there and meet them in real life. No easy answers on how to do this. A reasonable proportion of the women who are rejecting you on Match would likely be receptive to you if they met you in person. I have noticed this myself. I just need to get there more myself. I have quit the online dating. The self-esteem needs to recover. Here is where it comes full circle for the women on the dating sites. These women got what they deserve. These women got what they deserve. I personally think internet dating is such a con and the only people that suggest i do it are those in relationships andnever tried it themeselves which makes me laugh. Is that so much to ask??? I have found the only people interested in me now are married men looking for a fling or men much older looking for someone 10 years younger. Sad that we all seem to share similar views but cannot get together with someone. I read most on this website. It does not matter being single or being in marriage. Single is not the second best. It is a matter of choice or no choice in case when you cannot find one that you are looking for. What amazed me is that there is no one mention what true love is. Love is a sacrifice. If you are not ready for sacrifice, do not go for love. I am in my mid 40. I have a great career, with great attitude towards life. I exercise regularly, eat healthy food and am very positive. At least I know male colleagues are crazy about me. Some of them said I am so attractive. One of them said what a beauty. I know I am good. But I really do not know why they think i am so good, maybe due to my intelligence and confidence. I am looking for satisfying relationship which is based on mutual respect, understanding and real love. Yet I found there are more players than real sincere ones. I refuse to play with anyone and will not have sex with anyone who has no sincere interest in getting to know me. Yes, I have kid and sometime I am tired but my sex drive is still very high. Life is too good to choose bad attitude. Finding love sometimes is a matter of luck. I remember someone said, desirable is not attainable; attainable is not desirable. But I still believe there are many good women at least I am one of them who are single. There are many sincere men who are also single. They are all looking. Good luck to all of us who are pursuing happiness and peace. I never seemed to attract anyone even vaguely normal or rational so have just stopped looking. Like you I only attract married men looking for a fling or much older men who are also looking for a fling. God knows I have had enough trouble trying to make some sort of career for myself, without the help of family completely dysfunctional or anybody else, without attracting relationship trouble on top of it. I deal with the fact I will be alone for ever and a day with the knowledge that a lot of people are bad characters, and I am not obliged to deal with that. He tried it on with me having wanted me for 8 years, I kid you not , but do you think I was going to go for him, knowing what a player he was — and given that he was short, fat and balding? I have never dated a woman my own chronological age let alone one my senior, and I do not see that happening in the future. I dated women my junior when I was younger because women my age were dating older men most of my female peers from my youth married older men. I have dated women who are at least five years my junior since I was in my mid-twenties. My one and only ex-wife is seven years my junior, and I married her in my thirties. I have almost nothing in common with women my age and older. My ex-wife and I were in our thirties when we became parents. I was in my late thirties, so my children are at least a decade younger than most of my female peers. I have always looked younger than my chronological age. I hated it when I was younger, but I love it today. I am in my mid-fifties and can easily pass for being in my mid-forties. In fact, most people guess my age incorrectly. My oldest child will not start college until the fall. Why would I want to get involved with a woman who looks older than I do and whose children already have children of their own? We are at very different places in life. Matching is an exercise in assortative pairing i. I enjoyed reading all the different perspectives here. I am in great health. I work too much because I have very little money- was divorced from a crazy husband 11 years ago who destroyed me financially- not that there was very much, but what little there was gone and he ran up debts behind my back that made the economics even worse. OK- have gone out with men and had some pretty serious relationships. I will be very blunt- I am not willing to deal with a lot of health and body issues of men over 60. Sexually, it is not great most of the time- and that is not me not liking sex- just get tired of performance issues…. Also, health- long term health issues are from long term bad eating and living. Like many women, I raised my children, ran a household and worked as much then as I do now. I am educated, I am a great cook and very funny- but I am 61, do not want marriage- but would love to have a great friend. At this point, I am about to throw in the towel. I hope you are able to find a great companion to have fun with … and then go away. The wife wakes up, does not have the material things she thinks she deserves, and dumps the husband; looking for the young handsome plastic surgeon. Her husband is a working man, not a drunk, not an abuser, but not making the money she thinks she deserves. Fast forward 10 months… the husband has adjusted to being a single father. He has no need a for a wife. He carries 3 disposable cell phones one for each woman he is dating. You never know when you will meet a crazy. The ex-wife on the other hand, has not met the plastic surgeon, she has tried internet dating, and is bitterly disappointed… The ex does not look that bad. Her hand shakes, she makes the call and sheepishly asks if he wants to get back together? What do you think the response will be? Sounds pretty ridiculous- never heard of a woman trying to upgrade in midlife to a husband who makes more money? Odds of that are next to null. Over 55, still get winks, staying active, work hard and want to go home to my sanctuary of quiet and calm at the end of the day. Now there are walls. I like the freedom but do sometimes miss the companionship. I wonder about aging alone. It is very much about having given and compromised and done for others most of my adult life. Party Dude that needs to exercise his viagra prescription? Men are set in their ways at this point in life, too… women are not alone in being empty nesters. I feel very guarded now about the potential for being lied to again… ugh. In spite of the disappointing experiences and heart breaks, I remain optimistic about finding a life partner. What a dilemma, being single over 50! I like the security of my nest… it recharges my focus, drive and zest for living life but I love being social. Guess I just answered my own question, thanks. Thanks so much for commenting LivNLife. I can understand not wanting to experience heartache again — being lied to is devastating — and yet accepting that we may face heartache again, and we will, is the only way we can ever experience love or any deep connection with another person again. A loved one leaves. A loved one dies. A loved one experiences a major illness or disability and is not the same person. There are no guarantees. So, yes, that means we keep putting ourselves out there in the world and living, hopefully at this point, with more gratitude than expectations. At the same time, life in our 50s and older is full of loss — with so much more to come. I wish you the best! Women have health problems, just the same as men. I exercise 2 hours a day; running, x-country skiing, biking, and am in better health than many 35 year olds. I had a few year relationship with a woman who was approaching 60. Sounds like a case of pure stereotypes. And I have to add, being divorced is not a badge of honor. I view divorced women warily. Has to be a reason they are divorced, especially more than once, and I doubt very much that it was all his fault. It might not be men that are the problem; it might be you. Unbelievably, this moron still managed to get married again — to a Russian mail-order bride who spoke very little English. I assume her standards were low. Personally, I think men should marry each other. Now that he has run off with the secretary his ex will live in poverty after the alimony runs dry. To not be with a woman is not necessarily a default position but it is becoming a rational decision of choice. If equality is not achieved, then why do they piss and moan about alimony, paying for their little shit factories that a man may not have even fathered and have a court system that defaults to catering women over men? I stayed in and retired. Getting on an elevator with a female can get you fired if she files a complaint. I always take the next car or have a 3rd person as witness. As a single professional woman who worked her way thru education and never had a penny handed to her, a man with poor decision making skills who chose someone to stay home and become vested in a pension plan from him is not attractive. I have no desire to work to support her lifestyle of leisure while I will receive nothing from it after he pays for his ex and kids that he created. Your life is what you make of it, and your choices reflect your character. Choose well in dating, it affects all areas of your life. If you have baggage, accept others with similar baggage, you are matched. If baggage free, choose another baggage free, you are also matched. Haha, Eastern European women and Latin women. Chinese women are apparently murderous, Russian women are hard, and South American women are somewhere in between, and have the worst command of English of the lot. These comments range from disappointments from past experiences to fears that paralyzes us from moving forward. I am 56, petite reasonably attractive and look younger. I had divorced 29 yrs ago. And, according to one comment in this forum this would indicate there would be something wrong with me. I have had a few long term relationships, one that we cohabitated together for 8 yrs. Been single for the last 8 yrs after we split up. My job requires me to travel a great deal. I do enjoy a relationship and all it holds for both involved. It is very hard to meet available men, married men are a dime a dozen who are eager to cheat. After reading many comments, it reminded me of why I had decided to end the last relationship…at this age unlike before marrying we wonder what our spouses would be as a parent…this no longer matters at this stage of life. My determining factor was this: if he were to end up in a wheelchair, would I want to care for him and I could easily answer, yes. The flip side, if I were wheelchair bound, do I want him to take care of ME.. Open your hearts and your eyes, time is important but finding a compatible companion is worth the time that it takes. How you got where you are is not as important to the people you meet as much as what you learned from it…leave the sadness behind and move forward with optimism that can make you light up the room with confidence and not injured. It feels really good and people will gravitate to you.. Now where do I find that guy? The relationship is strained because it is lopsided. Because I can love hard, enjoy a healthy sex life in a committed relationship. So why bother looking for love at my age? I think it is worth it for me for the simple reason that I prefer a sandwich with two slices of bread : Naive as all get-go. You will reach a point in your life when it is all an exercise in futility. Men age faster and die younger, and, once they hit 60, start suffering from a host of chronic illnesses. Most of them look horrible, many because they did physical labor for years, and this ages the body. That is simply fact. A single woman would be crazy to take this on. Women need to understand that their worth as people is not tied up to relationships to others, especially men. Married my high school sweetheart. I feel forever fortunate to have had the experience. Never strayed or looked elsewhere I had the greatest thing at home! Left her mom a paid-for house and cash in the bank. Most had disaster stories of their prior lives wonder if I attract such…. Such was not for me. Until then, I just live life to the best of my ability. I liked being in love…it made the days of my life better. I know there are other people out there who feel the same. I wish us all good luck. I was married for 32 years, the last 3 years he was very sick. He passed away almost 3 years ago. I am now 58 years. While marriage was not always easy, as most human relationships are complicated, we loved each other well. The thought of going without an intimate relationship for the rest of my life makes me feel sad. But how to meet a man of my age..?.? I go to meet up groups and out with friends, I take care of myself, and enjoy life. It is not fair, we take care of ourselves then hormones go away and we are stuck with this new look. So how to go out there and still feel attractive? This was a perfect article for how I am feeling today and I enjoyed the comments as well. I do understand completely! You of course, have to be selective and prudential in Your choices. Once, years ago, a friend of mine, was presented with a proposition, which He turned down. So here You are in Your Amber years. Maybe You are not formally educated and are not suited for the job market. Or maybe, considerations for the future just were never seriously taken into account! No formal education, no marketable skills, no ambition; Who knows? What about My health care? My osteoporosis and rheumatism. The little luxuries that make life worthwhile? Even Florida gets cold these days, and there are no subway grates to sleep on. And the supermarket is not hiring baggers any longer. Oh what to do!!! Glad I stumbled on to this forum. It makes me realize just how lucky I presently am. Just over two years ago, my husband of over 35 years left me for a younger woman. I was 61 at the time and quite blind-sided. I had no interest in meeting another man and thought that my two adult children were all I needed. Then, about 6 months ago, at the suggestion of a friend, I put my profile on a dating site, clearly stating that I was not looking for a man to complete me, but rather a companion to spend some time with. After getting over my initial scepticism, we met and have been seeing each other regularly ever since. He is kind, intelligent, with an excellent career, caring, generous and old-fashioned in the most wonderful way. We see each other on the average once a week, mostly Saturday to Sunday. We go to movies, museums and often he cooks dinner for me at his place. We have a great emotional connection, spend hours talking, and yes, have sex. The latter is great, probably because we deeply care for each other. After spending a great day and night together, I go home to my place, looking forward to the next time. We keep in touch during the week by texting once or twice to make plans for the upcoming weekend he is an introvert and does not do telephone conversations very well. We both have our lives he has a very demanding jog , while I work in a low pressure job , play sports two nights a week and spend time with my kids. Neither of us desires more from our relationship. In our case, quality definitely counts more than quantity. I thank Karma every day for sending this quietly confident and wonderful man my way. I know that if our relationship should come to an end, it will be done in a respectful and loving manner. He has an extremely responsible and high profile job and, believe it our not, pays for everything, or at least 80% of the time. The other 20% I have to insist on paying. I know it sounds too good to be true. I think the reason it works so well is the fact that neither of us is looking for more than we what we have. Neither of us wants to move in together, and are happy to just spend a day a week together. We have yet to say a cross word to each other. Is he as perfect as I make him sound? Probably not, and neither am I. Works for us and I hope it will continue for some time to come. Three years ago I found out that my husband of 24 years was having an affair with a 27 year old we were 49. I left him and since then I have been on and off some dating sites. Last February I started a relationship with someone I met on Match. It was great because we got along extremely well, he was fun and easy going and he was a widower that loved his wife. One day last fall I told him that it felt more like a friendship. He said he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and four days later he was on another date. He was and is a great guy but was very needy. I want someone to hang out with a couple times a week, take a long weekend trip once in awhile, or watch a movie together. Getting married again sends a chill up my spine. At least not right now. JaneDoe 2269 nailed it for me. I was divorced at 44 for the younger woman and children were not an issue. I was raised in an environment where men and women worked, hard, together, to create the best they new how. I have been through plenty of teeth rattling experiences, on my own, for the last 20 years. A window of opportunity is arriving when I could make a change and the one ingredient that can sway the outcome is fellowship with a like minded male. I will move forward, whatever the men do, that is my nature. It just would be so much more satisfying to share the outcome. How does anyone ever have a successful search? Please, this is an opinion based load. I will never be monogamous with a woman with whom I am not cohabitating or married. Why should I settle for sex with the same woman every week when I get nothing else in the bargain? While a lot of men who have contributed to this blog entry have bellyached about not being able to find a woman, I have met over 70 women via dating sites in less than two years. Women start to outnumber men in their fifties, and the ratio only gets worse as time goes by. I am an attractive, never married, 47-yr-old woman, who has always been very independent. Now that I am older, wiser, and my 22-yr-old son has left the nest, I realize my independence has been to my detriment. Fearing commitment and the loss of my independence, along with thinking there would always be more time, has now left me wondering what I have given up. At this age it is almost impossible to meet someone, especially for an introvert. Now that I want someone to take care of who will take care of me as well, I have to face the fact it will probably never happen. I enjoy giving back rubs, kissing, cuddling, laughing at life, sex, etc. I have always gotten along better with men than women. There are probably many 45 to 60-yr-old men out there who would appreciate all of those things. I would hope they would find value in someone who can carry on an intellectual conversation, is witty, and can appreciate the simple things in life. Both parties gain companionship and additional financial stability allowing for more frequent and enjoyable leisure activities, travel, dining, etc. I would like to enjoy life, with someone else in the moment, and not worry about what tomorrow might bring. Everyone wants to know that their potential partner has no real use for them except their own self gratification, right? This is almost never the case, not in our age. If you are an intelligent, attractive, white collar professional man, you would be better off swinging a hammer all day, joining a bowling league, and having a vocabulary like a sewer and then you would find a mate. But watch out, she will be strong and independent, at least until you slap her down and she finds its all worth it anyway. Im a 53 yo never married female. Got close, was engaged at 30 but it was a rebound and I had to cut him loose, it was not the right thing to do and I have no regrets about doing the right thing. It kept me literally alive through years of dating hell. My last rship finished a couple years ago and I wish I had better self esteem through my 20s and 30s because I may not be alone today. I managed to pick a whole bunch of guys that were not right for me. Now with the possibility of kids waaay over, I have some regrets. I can buy my own jewellery and am slowly learning to love myself and my own company. If I meet a great guy at this stage, not even sure if I want to get married now. I get emotionally attached and it all ends badly. I look after myself, no man has ever looked after me financially since I was a kid my Dad! Not sure if I have the energy to get my heart smashed up again now. The reasons vary, but a lot of it has to do with money first. After all this work on their part they are very guarded that some loathsome male sould will come along and want some of it. Okay, I can see that. The second reason is they fear being caretakers for another loathsome male soul who might come along and actually show her some affection. The affection may be nice but the imagined potential adult diapers are not. This is a small, small sample. This is why I suggest that 50ish women just forsake the US or Western market alone and go for a foreign house boy with multiple skills, from fixing appliances to fixing a low libodo. The houseboy will have affairs on the side with younger women and the 50-something can get a nice cat for a companion and chat on NPR forums for intellectual fulfillment. But the points will be scored with the aquiring of an acceptable male Meainwhile, I discovered something interesting. I fortunately do not look my age honestly. I have discovered that some foreign women whom I get to know first simply based on my appearance are much more likeable, less demanding and more accommodating — in every way, even when I tell them my real age. True, some are hucksters, seeking green cards or citizenship, but a good many are not. I am not rich by any means: i drive a 13 year-old car and live in a modest house, so there is none of them mistaking me for rich, but I do find that I love them. The first couple of years were bittersweet: absolutely wonderful at times…so passionate and loving, followed by breakups over insecurities. He fell hard and fast; I was more gun-shy after 2 failed marriages. I honestly think we were both afraid of being hurt. We still have great times together, but the sweet, loving, affection and passion are missing. Sure, we make love, and spend the majority of our time together. Would you marry again? We each have our own houses, and have the occasional sleepover, but in the past it was more like 4-5 times a week too much as opposed to 1-3 times a month not enough now. My kids are 30 and 27, and have been out on their own for years. He and I both earn a comfortable salary and can easily survive financially on our own. It seems like the older men usually want younger women. I personally prefer someone my age or a little older. Would you prefer to be alone versus give up your freedom? I think I want the best of both worlds. I enjoy companionship, but not just on dates or or vacations. At some point I want to have someone to share my life with…to wake up with every morning, not just 1-3 times a month. We usually share our evening meal together and watch a little tv together during the week, but then we kiss goodnight and go to our separate houses for the night. I married the first time at 20 while still in college. After divorce 1, I was a single mother with custody of my 2 kids…working and trying online dating. I met and dated several men online, but the creeps out-numbered the nice guys. Ironically, I met someone on a blind date not from a dating site and after almost 3 years of dating, we married. Nine and a half years later we divorced. Financial difficulties and his job losses kept me in the marriage longer than I would have liked. I would much rather be alone than give up my freedom. Did that with Mom, grandma, a little with dad and was Mommy to my alcoholic ex. With my odd requests my dating pool is much less. Last therapist said dysfunctional attracts like because of childhood. Childhood issues,, the catchall for everything Mom and Dad are to blame. She also said before I look for another relationship I need to fix myself. At nearly 50, good luck with that one. I have too many requirements and not enough in the dating pool. I have no desire to waste time and energy. Doing something you love fills a big void, at least for me. I worry about when I get older and can no longer drive and travel the way I do now. Looking into the dating pool, no one has a crystal ball. It takes an open heart and open mind to accept the risk, and to want to move forward to get to know another person. There are many ways to skin a cat and please each other, and it s always better when the pressure is not on. I am for cutting men some slack as long as they are open to enjoying togetherness in different ways. Resolve to be good to each other, time is flying by and is so precious at this point. Best of luck to all. I have read a lot about the discord between men and women in the comments above. I am surprised that there are any people in relationships at all anymore with the majority of the bitter attitudes and hurtful comments. I am 43, and I am a single father to the last of my four children as my youngest daughter is still at home 15. I consider myself to be average or above in looks, my physique is holding alright for a man of my age, etc. But to get to the point of relationships; I have taken on the responsibility of raising my two grandchildren who are very young and have had them for 3 years. I received them into my home as my own when they were 1. So as a point of inquiry from any of you who may be more knowledgeable than I am; how does this situation fit into finding a companion, a committed woman with this type of variable? Ironically, single moms have hit on me as a prospect to be with until they have found out that I also have children. And the children that I have are very young. It truly is unfortunate for the children to be in this position, but I have not lost the perspective of family and commitment, like so many seem to do when mid-life comes knocking. I just cannot seem to find like-minded women. It appears that the perspectives of freedom have been defined as being alone, rather than being free to love and to be loved. I have zero interest in dating and have not done so in the ten years since my marriage ended. I like my time alone. I will concede the point that there are some, maybe even many, nice worthwhile single women in their mid fifties out there. Most middle aged women I encounter are entitled and self-absorbed. Their idea of an emotionally healthy man is some twit who will constantly cater to whatever they are complaining about at the moment. I love my work and my children. However, I do see how you may have run into entitlement. I have a relative who drove me nuts with that when she was in her mid-50s. And maybe some of it is that some women feel there should be some grand karmic payback in the form of a dashing white knight for all the years they sacrificed to their kids and ex-husband. But that strips the humanity right out of it, because a man is not a thing to be acquired any more than a woman is. As for self-absorption, I freely admit that I am entirely too self-absorbed to think about dating. It will be hard finding someone to accept having only a parallel life with mine, meeting me in the middle while we have our own homes, money, and time to ourselves. I just want a friend to spend time with a couple of times a week, and spend the rest of the time just being free. What a horrible empty society we live in now, what IS the point? Marriage and relationships have been so utterly destroyed, families are a thing of the past or only for non-Western societies that bothered to keep their values and familial bonds. Hopefully future generations will get rid of this progressive meaningless nightmare we live in. The only people winning are the lawyers and authoritarian systems eroding us. Many good points all the way around on this forum. And in some instances again often for economic reasons the two spouses remain in the house. Virtually impossible for me to date anyone as you can imagine. Had lunch with old high school friend recently. She knows me too well to date me. So how do I find women like her in similar situations married but available? Well, I had married at 19, but divorced at 28. At first i relished my independence. The dating scene is awful! Even when i do meet someone all they want is to be platonic. Never mind everyone around me seems to be partnered up. No ones fault really. It is what it is. In was married for 9 years about 30 years ago. My experience tells me that I made the right choice. I come and go where I want, when I want, and how I want. In the meantime, I also have 2 older children with strong backgrounds with loving wives and 6 children between them. My responsibility is done. I found it much the same way you all did and read all the replies. My story is I got divorced almost 16 years ago after a 12 year marriage and 2 awesome sons. Since then I dated a lot, mostly on Match. I almost got married after a 6+ year relationship but broke off the wedding about 4 months prior. It was heart breaking but knew I would have been very unhappy long story. I have contacted several women on Plenty of fish who I thought were attractive to me. But I did get several emails from women I had very little to no interest in. It was very disturbing at first but now I have come to accept it. I chalked it up as aging. Then just today I finally hid my profile. They are still attractive to me. I find them very interesting, and fun to spend time with and other things of course. But I have simply lost the drive to go on dates and do the work. We have been there and done that with weddings, making babies, and buying houses together. And hey does anybody out there like their freedom? I know I do. But the thought of growing old alone can be daunting. When you least expect it, you may meet the love of your life and be forever happy. Or you may be destined to stay single. My advice is to get involved with things you enjoy-church, golf, fishing, music, model trains-whatever. You may have a better chance of meeting that right person through mutual interests than by randomly dating. Well told story Joe, I am a divorced female after 19 years of marriage. I admit that the feeling of loneliness comes time to time, but is not that bad comparing to be with a wrong one. I believe in destiny, the right person will come at the right time. My friends call me a dreamer, but I believe that someday we all will meet the right one. I rather go with my own generation, because it is fun to grow old together. The right one will come when you are not looking. In addition I look 10-20 years younger and consider myself somewhat above average looking I still get a LOT of looks. I also have never been married, have no children and have not been in and out of relationships my entire adult life. In fact I have extremely limitied dating experience as well as munimal experience with women in general long story. This must and will change. I have no particular hangup on dating younger women. I guess the desired age range would be 30 -50. Hi, I stumbled upon this website while googling because I wondered if I was weird. I am 57, have been married, divorced, engaged again and reinvented myself after some serious illness and have no children. I went to University for the first time at 48 and gained an honours degree and I am now in the final stages of a PhD in biomedical science I was a nurse before illness. During that time I met an Italian online quite by chance and after several months chatting he asked if I would like to meet in Rome. Well, of course, I went. We got on very well and subsequent visits were planned and eventually I met the parents. We were engaged and he did buy me a very nice ring, but eventually MOTHER won and I was discarded. It has taken me ages to get over him, and it has been almost 4 years since I have seen him. Fast forward to now. I am busy at university, I have good friends, live by myself after being carer for my late mother and her dementia while doing my degree and going to Italy to be with him. I live in a council high rise flat the one I cared for my mum and mostly I have decent neighbours. I have been there since 2003 and 4 of the 6 neighbours on my floor have been there longer than me. One neighbour is 60 and divorced and also looked after his aged mum for a long time and we got on quite well over the years. Last night he chapped my door bringing me a parcel that he had taken for me and we chatted a bit at the door. I was having a glass of wine and asked him in and he had a glass of wine with me. He has been in before, but last night he just went that bit further and I was not comfortable with it. He was nice and gentle, and we kissed, although I asked him to stop a couple of times and I ended up asking him to go home, which he did. Why do you doubt yourself? It is not because a guy wants something from you that you have to give it to him. You say that you are not comfortable with what he does, well that means it does not work for you. So just tell him to stop and that you have no romantic interest in him. Just because he is a man and you are a woman does not mean that you have to like him. When you meet a guy that you fancy you will feel fine when he pursues you. I too have been trying to figure out this older life dating thing. I am 53 now and have been single for the past 2 years. I have made myself completely available both physically and financially to a marriage relationship for 6 years. To me it was what life was about. To embrace my partner and his endeavors and to hope after doing so that he would do the same. In the beginning of our dating and marriage he did just that, but then became all too comfortable with the fact that I was a strong, capable, mostly independent woman. When I say mostly, I mean that I am capable of taking care of myself, but I am not financially able to take total care of the both of us while still caring for my son, now in college, myself and him too as well. As he decided to stop working like he had and started scheming on ways to put it all on just me. Scheming in ways to shirk his responsibility of helping pay our mortgage and any other bills! Money always seems to drive a wedge in a relationship when one decides to make the other responsible for everything. Well, it did when I have tried it a few times. I always thought that in a relationship that each person basically took care of their part and if they needed a little help from their partner then their partner would support them on times of need and vice versa. I never imagined being the sole support and then watching my then mate go behind my back with his mommy and steal from me! I mean come on, I was by his side through thick and thin, put in every dollar I made into what I thought was love, sharing and a lifelong marriage, only to find betrayal in every aspect. I then left the relationship of pure craziness as he fought in court to get me to pay him alimony and to give him my household furniture that I bought before our marriage. Then found out he held a family trust fund that he could live on for life. So what do I think about dating at this age? My ex has certainly given me a shock into what dating would give me in life. I have been trying to reset myself since he took me for such a ride. Reset by means of my financially getting my life back in order since he took me for everything except my self worth. I feel that I have made significant progress in that area now and feel I can finally present myself as an independent woman again in the dating field. Would I be willing to remarry? A trust needs to be established, a friendship needs to happen, and independence for each person needs to be established and a mutual bond of interests, love, and kindness would have to come into effect first, before I could throw myself out there again and even think of marriage. I think many people today no matter what age they are, still are looking for the same thing, someone to make their life more enjoyable when they come home after work. And I for one am not that woman and will be leary of that kind of boy for the rest of my life! I do though have hope that a real MAN still exists for me out there. All I hear is, you are a beautiful woman and I want to date you. Kind of scary jumping in on lines nowadays, so I will wait for a friend first and see how it goes. They only want a toy to play with; though many women are just as bad. Then we move in together and enjoy the perks hopefully. We stick together forever NO MATTER WHAT. If he develops a chronic illness I will do what I can to alleviate his pain and discomfort—taking on all financial responsibilities and household responsibilities myself if necessary. I also will honor and obey my husband—archaic as that sounds. His orders may not always make sense to me, but I can still carry them. No wonder so many marriages end in divorce. They want their archaic values back. There was divorces back in the 50s,too. If think marriage is about being a servant to the man, then you have a warped view of marriage! You are just as important as the husband. If you make him the king, then you are condemning yourself to being a serf or a slave. Try getting a backbone, lady! Right around 50 begins the great male migration…. While any shortfall of single males in their 50s can be filled with men in their 60s and 70s willing to date younger, the same can not be said for women who are 60+. Basic competition theory would suggest men have significant power given these distorted ratios, men can be choosier while women can not, though based on various blogs it seems the 60+ crowd of single women are a picky as ever. Basic math shows that most of these women will have picked themselves a permanently single life whether it is welcomed or not. The men who have the entitlement mentalities. You should see the blogs of the men who trash talk Western women in general, and women in the USA in particular while lavishing praise on the Asian, Colombian, Russian and Ukrainian women! Supposedly these women are superior to us in every way, to hear those guys talk. Seems when it comes to the dating world, the US woman over 50 is at the bottom of the pile…. And when many of us Good men out there will try to start a conversation with a woman that will Attract us which she will Curse at us since i had this happened to me already and a friend that i know had it happened to him a couple of months after me. So finding real love for many of us men is certainly a real Challenge now as you can see which most of us really have No Reason to Blame ourselves at all since it does Take Two Too Tango. My wife died in 2008. Physically, I can still go downhill skiing and pitch baseballs for exercise. Many women want guys who make the big bucks. Earth to middle-aged women who insist on finding the high earners: They can usually get someone younger than you. The odds are stacked against you. When the men get old, the kind of miseries who used to insult women that way now try to make up this fantasy in which the women are just dying without them. Some reality for your picture: We know what it looks like to take care of old sick men. We watched our grandmas and mothers do it, watched it wreck their health and take years off their lives. No matter how you look at it, we as species will continue to hurt each other until the bitter end. That said, I wish you all well in your pursuit. They are in college out of state now, and are home during breaks and holidays. Frankly, the idea of pursuing a woman with romantic intentions has no appeal. I give and give and give, and get nothing in return. The cost always exceeds the benefit. But I get zero. Even if she had children. I like family life, but have ALWAYS gotten the short end of the stick. So I am not pursuing. These days its dangerous to even look at a woman. I must start from the position you are not; sorry but every woman in my life has convinced me that you are all out to take advantage of me. I realize no woman is likely to pursue me and be able to pass my tests. Right, most women are all about themselves these days, especially the older ones. The only exceptions I have found lately are foreign women who are not as entitled and brainwashed by feminist claptrap as American women are. My guess is some little bit is missing in there, too, about what the kids wanted and their best interest as she put her life back together, including re-entering the workforce. He also wants appreciation! This is not the way of teenagers. Someone does look after them. Men who know how not to sexually harass or assault women do not, on the whole, worry about looking at women. When I have met them their arrogance made them increadibly unattractive and irritating. I would have been up for having another family with the right man but men were too wrapped up in what they wanted and were frankly control freaks. I had surgery a few years ago and closed that window for good after a run of men who were trying to get me pregnant. Wow, the female bitterness and rage here is palpable. This is precisely the kind of attitude that makes me date younger women who have not yet gotten so jaded — plus the fact that they are hotter, better and more active in bed, and not constantly whining about wanting commitment. I really learned a lot from all the comments in here. Here is my story—SWM, age 61, retired due to cancer. I last had a date 15 yrs. I live in Houston, and like most cities in the South, most women marry young. I came here at 31. I was never married, have no kids, saved my money, own my home, and still in decent shape despite illness. It took a lifetime to learn that. Listen to Tom Leykis if you doubt me. I did try Match. Results—1400 women viewed me, I contacted 40, ten replied, NO ONE wanted to meet for even coffee or share a phone number. I quit trying to date at that point. These women are not prom queens or models. Like me they are about average—many profiles would not date anyone over 55, so age cut my percentages a lot. I noticed too many women over 50 are often bitter, unhappy, broke, and wounded on many levels. Divorce hurt many of them badly. I now know I already met and lost the only chances I ever had of marriage or a real partner long ago. I hope none of you end up like me. Loneliness does shorten your life—you simply loose the will to live. Nature takes over from there. Here is my take on dating over 50 and 60. Things progressed he eventually asked me out just before Christmas. He had to go to Arizona to see his kids and when he came back we started dating and never stopped. He came out of a relationship where the wife was cheating on him for a long time and he really never knew I find that hard to believe but I Do believe him. We have dated a lot and I have spent time at his house in Arizona and I have to say I am probably in love with him although the love word has not come up between either of us. But I think the best place to meet someone is at meet ups at meet up. The way people avoid doing it alone is having put years and years of work into relationships, real and frequently unselfish relationships, with other people. Why use double negatives? I like my life. I have a wonderful daughter, good and sincere friends, a nice house, an interesting job, good health. As for looks, I look fine. I look like a healthy woman with good dental insurance nearing menopause. My college boyfriend was visiting not long ago, and as I watched him coming up the driveway I realized he looked like a nice grandpa. This is not a sin, but I was very bored by his angst about aging. So — I take care of myself, and I enjoy it every time. I have men friends and I enjoy going out with them, spending time talking to them. It does free things up. I will be 65 years old in January. Daughter 33 and son 36. Myself daughter and son are all single-perhaps not just due to age. A few dates that is all. Cycle 100 km a week after 2 knee replacements and 2 shoulder replacements. I eat reasonably well and try to remain active although retired. Unfortunately most single women my age have not taken care of themselves due to the pressures of their life or circumstances. I have never dated any woman more than 6 yrs younger or 5 years older. I AM FULLY RETIRED now so may sell my home and travel since dating has been a real waste of time and a whole lot of money for me for the last 10 years. I just have to change from the hopeless romantic type. Hi all, I just found this site by accident. I have enjoyed reading all of your stories and various life experiences. I think when we get older I am 60 now I still cannot believe this though lol that we start to look more at our own mortality. It is not great being alone to be honest and especially when you are not working and have no family members or friends living in this neck of the woods. I too value my freedom and independence. Since my marriage ended in 2011 I have had a couple of short term relationships. I met these women through online dating sites. There are a lot of personality disordered women on these dating sites in my experience. Control freaks, sociopaths and full blown psychopaths. All three that I met turned out to have various mental problems. But initially they all hid this very well and were able to conceal it under a false mask of normality.

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